short sad post...

well...i'm pilled up with assignments but i still wanna write a post now as its been a long time since i blog..haha..geng...well...currently...everything has not been running smoothly these days...have no idea i started my 2011 with argument with not only my family but also friends that i cherish...sometimes..eventhough i know and it's clear that the fault is not mine, i always put my head down and apologize....but strangely, nowadays i dont. I tend to care less on those things and just move on....is it because of assignments pilling up, my behaviour, or my attitude that lead me to care less on it...Yeah...i know the consequences on the actions that i have done,...i know it's too late for me to fix it...but what i can do is to let it be...now...i can felt that i'm missing something in my daily life.that missing something in my life....gosh..i hope that i can go back to the past and redo my mistakes then...if i didn't do those thing...at least i will still have a friend...well..these happens to me all the time..but i have no idea why...this time...it really does take effect on me...dont get me wrong...i'm not EMO now ok..just kinda sad and regretful...Hopefully things will be better in the future....things have been shaky at the beginning of this new year...well..haizz...

..i came by this picture in facebook today,,,then i notice..it's gonna be couple of days left for my birthday to come...which falls on the 1st DAY OF CHINESE NEW YEAR...haiz..having a feeling that it will be bad as what i did experience in the last 2 years...21 years old...and yet...due to some problems...that day i feel will be a normal day...hopefully not a sad 1....

*I really hope i can say sorry and things will go on as things would be,,,but sadly...i can't...*

Reborn

I will update my blog soon....haha...busy these days..

Yes or no?

These few weeks have been hectic for me....sad+emo+tired+confused.....since i said those 3 simple yet meaning words to the person i love recently....The answer she gave me at that moment makes me to be more determined to try harder and harder...to care....to love...to worry....to cheer her up when she's down...BUT...things went wrong...when i couldn't date her out even once...keep lying to me.........when she starts to stop eating together with me....to reject every single time i ask her out....I even got shoot sarcastic words from her towards me...but i still try to pretend that those words were not true....sometimes she puts on a moody face...i try to cheer her up...but she always doesnt smile when around me but with other friends she does...i feel like such a loser...to be not able to be the one that makes her smile...

By this...i got the clear picture that she is actually avoiding me and rejecting me slowly..even though she says let fate decide...but actually we are the one that determines our fate....

Well...i decided to try not to care for her so much....as i always feel that the more i care for her...the more she will think that i'm a irritating person....

However, everytime i tried to avoid her...when i see her...i always have the feeling of wanting to get close to her....

SO what i'm suppose to do when Everytime i tried to walk away from her, there's always something that reminds me that i should stay....BUT when i stay...she tends to ignore me and eventhough we talk it's not in a happy manner...but i still put on a happy face eventhough it is a cold talk...

Even sometimes i dream of her....and remembered the memories that we had...the times we went out......even though for her it's a normal thing but to me..it'll always remains in my memories.....

The more i think of her.....the more hurting i will be...cause i know deep in my heart....that...
I LOVE HER>>>BUT SHE DOESNT.....
.....that's why...it's been few days in a row now i been playin basketball non stop to stop thinking of her.....but sadly it only works in that specific moment....then after that..i will think of her again...haizzzz.....

MY GREAT FRIENDS all encourage me that it is better i let go and move on...there's always a saying that there's not only one tree in the whole forest.....

....BUT....it's easier said than done....when you are deeply in love with her...even though she doesn't love you...it doesn't change your feelings towards her...that's how i feel....always before seeing her i will keep it to myself that she doesn't like you so just give up already....but...when i see her...everything turns around and i cant help myself...well...maybe i've already fell deeply...looks like it's not easy this time...

my mind tells me not to...but my heart cant help it...

Maybe i and her should go our own ways.but it's so hard..When you love someone...you dont actually have to be together with her....i agree...but are u willing to???...if you love her so much...could u bear the pain she is walking with another guy....holding hands..while you are watching from afar...it's not easy...


Sometimes i wish that my phone would ring and it's her on the phone asking what i'm doin and how was my day.and even ask me out...well...not even once this happens.....even this simple things becomes..a miracle for me....

I know i should be strong....but i feel so wrong...there's always something that reminds me of her face....saying i love her is always a tease to her...i'm always a joke to her.....i know i cant hide it from myself...but i'm still holding on..it's not easy to smile...but i always have to...so what am i suppose to do?

.....Back into emoness>>>

.....Let me apologize to begin with.........
......let me apologize for what i'm about to say....
....let me apologize for leaving my blog for so long.....
....let me apologize for going back to my emo life.....
.....History has repeated itself........
.....Somehow...I'm really bad in expressing myself and getting thru my social life....
.....Many things have happen these few weeks.........
.....Allow me to briefy summarize the things that had happened,,,...
.....Going to Gamma year(2nd year of degree)..>>>harder and harder...
.....Breaking up from a relationship due to reasons.....
,....Separating myself from someone......
.....My friend told me something that's true about me...i'll find someone that i like in less than 6 months....and i did,...I really hate myself for this....But i have no idea why i cant hid these emotions of mine...yeah......BUT tryin to blind myself from the truth....i keep on neglecting that the person i like already likes another guy....Well...as what i would say,,,is if she is happy then you are happy rite??well...it's easier said than done really.....
.....recently....i'm been thinking much,....and tryin to fix this prob....but...i cant say in here....
.....The only way to let me forget this is to play basketball...so...frequently these days i have been playin basketball non stop...at least it can keep me from throwing myself to her as i know that most probably i will be hurt again......well...gotta thanks my friends for tryin to cheer me up and accompany me out when i called them....,,
...BUT...now...it's not over yet...the nightmare still continues

....new song

....new song

hey...it's been a long time since i updated rite?..why???of course...It's the second week of my class now so it's been busy...and yea...very busy.....Erm..it's kinda late now...so...i'm gonna short the week.....

Erm...My results came out....And yea...no first class honours...blueks....i have no idea why too...but i'm quite sastified with my results in degree,...of course...i'll try harder next time....

...Okok lo...i think....well....what to do..what;s done is done rite>>i can only change the future....not my past but only to learn from it.....^^...i sound like an old uncle...
haha
....
...okkkoko

moving on....

I have a friend(you know who u r). which has been encountering some probs with her relationship and my another other friend introduce me a song which hey...relates to what i wanna say....

He ain't the one by stevie hoang....man...his songs are really damn good yea....

Here's the lyrics and song....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cceEzkuFW8w,,,

Ye.....Who.....Ye.....

Tell me why you stay in this relationship

When all you feel is pain

Tell me why you put up with the mall these years

You've got so much more to gain

I dont wanna be steppin on nobody's toes

But it think that you should know

He dont appreciate the things that you do for him

It's time to let him go

He's always with his friends

Never by your side

Runnin up the streets

Comin late at night hey

That aint the way the love supposed to be

Cant you see

He aint the one that's gonna treat you right

He aint the one that's gonna be by your side girl

Deep down inside you know

You gotta let him go

Youre so much better baby cant you see that

He aint the one to give you what you need

I'll be the one you spend your whole life with

It's killin me

Cuz you cant see what i see

Girl you should be with me

Cuz he aint the one for you

I can see why you think that you re in love with him

Cuz he's all you've ever had

But take it from me that aint how it suppose to feel

I can make you understand

I was there girl to wipe your tears when you cry

Everytime he broke your heart

Deep down inside im secretly in love with you

And it's tearin me apart

I'll treat you like he should

Never leave yourside

Im ma spend thetime

Girl i'll do you right hey

I'll show you the way the love supposed to be

Just come with me

He aint the one that's gonna treat you right

He aint the one that's gonna be by your side girl

Deep down inside you know

You gotta let him go

Youre so much better baby cant you see that

He aint the one to give you what you need

I'll be the one you spend your whole life with

It's killin me

Girl you cant see what i see

Cuz he aint the one for you

All the time she made you cry

All the time she told you lies

All the times he let you down

All the times he wander around

Girl you dont have to do this anymore

Just find a scam to walk about the door

He aint the one that's gonna treat you right

He aint the one that's gonna be by your side girl

Deep down inside you know

You gotta let him go

You re so much better baby cant you see that

He aint the one to give you what you need

I'll be the one you spend your whole life with

It's killin me

Girl you cant see what i see

Girl you should be with me

Cuz he aint the one for you

He aint the one he aint the one for you.....

which is my second song in my playlist now....


you will understand when u hear the lyrics.....


And last but not least....i met a great girl last week....but we seldom meet each other...so...hey...Let the time says...Of course....i hope for the best...but i also cant have my hopes too high rite>>??dont really wanna fall into the same scene as last time...which is not a pretty pic.....but...of course..waitin for her to come back....^^

Give love one more try

You, you're like driving on a Sunday
You, you're like taking off on Monday.
You, you're like a dream, a dream come true

In your eyes, when I saw them for the first time
and that I was gonna love you for a long time
With a love so real, so right

How did it play out like a movie?
Now everytime it's beat can move me
And I can't get your smile off my mind

Cause you might think that I'm a fool
For falling over you.
And tell me what can I do to prove to you that it's not so hard to do?
Give love a try one more time.
Cause you know that I'm on your side.
Give love a try one more time. One more time.


Will update more after exams...

..Speechless...

Yes...and yes...the time is now 5.42a.m...woke up from sleep??no no...havent slept and i havent took my afternoon nap also...why...???3 reasons......
1. Study some chapters....
2. Thinking nonsence(emoing la)....
3. Reading my whole blog...


Oh ya...recently change my spec..no big difference..just more lighter.

And yea...more and more emoing....Look at the comments that used to be send to me....now??is there any???Well...typical hui Kit is back...always emoing....well..finals is next week....Prepared??..well...not so..but so far so hard..of course...i still go online and saw some pics of my friend with their couple..who i like BEFORE....and hey...happy for her....regreted...but still happy.....Well...have i met someone else now???...The normal ans...NO....Do i like a girl now>?? ...NO....Sleep rite and eat rite???...NO.....Do i have to take the hard way and go back kl again?..well...we will see after finals...STOP THINKING OF THIS KIND OF THINGS??...hey.....i tried....each day by each day...But hey...It's all right...i'm always like this...Of course...i want to be happy as last time...but..haizzz....Have u ever wondered what it would be in the future??...it keeps haunting me everyday....questions like WILL I MEET HER? IS SHE THE ONE? WILL I GET HURT AGAIN? IS EVERYTHING GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT?...I dont know...but hopefully i can ans this questions soon...I wish i can undo the past...since i cant do anything about the future...but in reality...i cant...

Thinking of going dp and mp alone, scrolling contacts A-Z to find someone to go out with which ends up with no one, eating alone meals, no one to chat in msn, no responce in msn, no this no that...That's the kind of life i'm experiencing now...Boring rite??well...yeap ...that's the life i'm experiencing now...So...u tell me....AM I HAPPY or UNhappy...of course..

P.S...it's not a matter of maturity,,,it's the matter of emotional....but hey..i always believe to have faith in tomorrow...as tomorrow is still a mystery